my view of god has changed quite dramatically over the last few years. life has hit hard and i’ve had to recalculate what i think about god; his timing, his plan, his character, and what he really wants from me.
currently, i’m in kind of a rough place. i have doubts. i wonder if god is really there. i think about how god could have stopped certain events from happening in order to spare me pain and grief. i know he is loving and wants the best for me. but i struggle with having faith in a god who could stop bad things from happening with a blink of his eye and sometimes chooses not to.
i have a friend who is going through a huge life trial. she asked me how i get by without staying angry at god. so i shared with her what keeps me going. i told her that the only thing that saves me from suffocating at the hands of bitterness is this key fact: god did not chose for these bad things to happen. he allowed them, but he didn’t plan them. god gave us the gift of free will. humans brought sin into the world and it’s been wreaking havoc ever since. so its sin that i should blame for bad things happening, not god.
so, jude and lucy, this is how i view god.
– i see him as loving. no matter what we do or say, what choices we make or what fastballs life throws…god loves us. his love is patient, enduring, and persistent. its all you need.
“and i am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from god’s love. neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow-not even the powers of hell can separate us from god’s love. no powers in the sky or in the earth below-indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of god.” -romans 8:38-39
-i see god as consistent. he is always present. he never leaves and he never lets go. through the sun and the rain of life, god is consistently good.
“even when i walk through the darkest valley, i will not be afraid, for you are close beside me.” psalm 23:4
-i see god as laid back. he doesn’t always intervene and he doesn’t plan every day down to the second. he allows life to flow as nature created. that is the beauty of free will. he takes the good with the bad and he loves us regardless. i remember having conversations with my dad about this subject. i remember him saying, “i don’t think god necessarily cares about every decision we make, as long as its not an issue of right vs. wrong. you can serve god at this job or at that job, at this house or at that house. some things just don’t matter to god.” that totally makes sense to me. god gave us the ability to make our own choices. sometimes he makes our path obvious and sometimes he doesn’t. that’s ok.
“and whatever you do, whether in word or in deed, do it all in the name of jesus.” colossians 3:17
throughout my time of my doubting and my waves of anger, these truths have been my anchor. my view of god has changed, but its been for the better. i know him more and i’ve seen his true colors. and he’s undeniably good.
jude and lucy, the ugliness of life makes the beauty of god even more incredible.