Category Archives: dear jude.

dear jude.

dear jude,

you amaze me. honestly and truly…you do. you are SO smart, it blows my mind. you are kind and sensitive. you are a tenderhearted boy and i couldn’t be more proud. you feel your emotions HARD. very hard. and that can be challenging to you and me and everyone around you, but we are figuring that out.

you love to listen and to be listened to. in fact, when you are trying to speak to someone and they aren’t listening, it upsets you. i get that. that’s something that frustrates me as well. when i observe you, i watch to see that others are listening and when they aren’t it annoys me, because you are so worth listening to! you crave a good, thought out response and you deserve it, too.

jude, your mind is like a sponge that never leaks. you soak everything in and lock it away, remembering it all. that can be good and bad, i suppose. i have to be on my toes at all times, mindful of what i say. but i like that about you.

i know it sounds cliche or sappy, but you remind me so much of my dad, your bampy. it’s UNCANNY! many people say so. your memory is on point, just like his. you have a clever way of solving math equations and you memorize bible verses in no time at all. you are tall and wiry with bushy hair. i’m glad you are like bampy. it’s good for the family. i see you in him and that’s special.

jude, you have the most AMAZING eyes! the shape is just gorgeous. you are handsome.

you love to play ninja turtles and star wars. there are two things that you take EVERYWHERE: either your light saber or your ninja turtles gear (mask and sword). your imagination is infinite. you don’t care who is watching and you do your ninja/fighting moves all over the playground. it makes me happy to see you so carefree. sometimes you can be uptight and nervous, but not all the time, and i love that.

i love to laugh with you. in the car yesterday lucy had the biggest scream fest of her entire life. you and i just looked at each other and burst into laughter, which of course made her even more upset, but we couldn’t help it.

you give the best hugs! you’re a huge hugger. and believe me, i will always hug you, no matter what age…i’ll never stop!

you and lucy have become fast friends with the kids next door, luke and lillie. it’s so great having best friends as neighbors! i always wanted that for you, because i had that as a kid and it was awesome. you, lucy, luke and lillie play outside for hours on end and you get along very well. it’s great and makes summer even better for you.

gramma and papa bought a camp in april. we have had a blast there and have gone nearly every weekend since. you love camp. you and lucy play on the dock all day long. we fish, eat, go for boat rides, and explore nature. it’s a little slice of heaven. we all went there on the 4th of july. at night, the men gave us a fireworks show. we had some leftover and you said, “i think we should save the rest for the fall because i start kindergarten in the fall!”

so yeah, you start kindergarten on september 1. i’ve struggled big time, off and on, since you turned 5. kindergarten is a huge step. i’m excited for you. i’m sad, too. its new territory for me. i love you so insanely much, it’s really unreal. but we’ll navigate this world together, our family and jesus, and i have nothing but confidence that you’ll grow to be even more amazing than you are right now.



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dear jude & lucy.

jude & lucy,

you could never possibly know how much i love you. my dad used to always say, “you’ll never know how much i love you until you have kids of your own.” and that is so true. but yet, i still don’t think you’ll understand it because you, jude & lucy, are both just so YOU. you’re perfect, in every way. i mean, not literally perfect. you’re annoying sometimes. you’re loud, you fight, you make a mess, you don’t listen, you drive me nuts. but you are perfectly YOU. you’re just as i’d have you.

i had one of those moments tonight when i just wanted to press a button and freeze time. jude, i found out today that kindergarten registration is next week and that really got me worked up. lucy, you’ll be having your first ever school experience next year and i can’t imagine leaving you with someone other than family. so after dinner i was cleaning up the kitchen, daddy was playing guitar and you guys were dancing and eating candy canes and i just cried. i cried because i don’t want things to change. i cried because there are so many moments that i never want to forget, that moment being one of them. i cried because life is short and fleeting and i know that in the blink of an eye things will be so very different.

jude & lucy, these precious moments are what makes life worth living. i never, ever want to forget how completely perfect the two of you are right this very second…innocent, carefree, confident and safe and loved in the comfort of our home’s walls. i love you way past the moon, beyond mars, and into infinity!




dear jude.

dear jude,

i’ve created a monster. you are SO obsessed with Christmas. the decorating, the traditions, the presents, the food…the whole bit. we had a HUGE storm the other day. the first storm of the season. it was magical and crazy.

we knew the storm was coming so we had been talking about it over the weekend. on sunday morning you woke up early and came into our room. i felt you poke my face, per usual. i said, “jude, go look outside and see if its snowing.” you hurried to the window and pulled back the curtain. you said, “ARE YOU KIDDING ME? holy cow, i can’t see any grass anywhere!” i rolled out of bed and we wandered downstairs. i looked out the skinny window by the door expecting a winter wonderland and it had just barely started to snow. and it reminded me how magical this snow was to you. you’re so awesome, jude. your imagination is never ending and i love that about you.

you were kind of pissed that morning because in your little boy mind, snow = christmas. so when the harsh reality set in that we still had about two more months until that special day, you were not a happy camper. you also were insistent on heading outside at the early hour of 6 am and i somehow was able to put it off until 7. then, we all bundled up and headed out into the blizzard. you loved every second of it, jude. we built a snowman. lucy didn’t like the wind so we went inside while you and daddy frolicked and wrestled.

we got out our christmas decorations, requested by you. no village or family tree yet, but all the other knick knacks are all in their places, including your mini-tree.

the next few mornings were some of the same: early rising, checking your stocking, being pissed. so i gave you a calendar and showed you the layout, hoping that it would make sense. i don’t think it did.

you were batman for halloween this year…again. the most handsome batman ever!

you’ve been into praying lately. you’ll say, “i’m going to pray for god to make my stomach not hurt! dear god, please help my stomach not to hurt. amen” a few hours later, when your stomach didn’t hurt, you said, “hey, i prayed and it worked!” you pray randomly and then always at night, before bed. you look around your room and thank god for everything you see…your cozy bed, your friends, your train table, your clothes, etc. it’s pretty funny.

i want you to know how important it is to pray, jude. it’s been a huge positive in my life and i know it will be to you, too. i pray for you a lot, man. i pray for you and your school career. i pray that you will be firm and secure in your beliefs. i pray for your friends, that you’ll have good ones. i pray that you’ll marry an amazing girl who loves you more than anything. i pray that you’ll grow up to be a strong man of god who leads his family. i pray that you’ll live a long and happy life and that you’ll make good choices. i pray that you’ll love god and love others. it’s so simple but so important, jude.



dear jude.

dear jude,

you started school last week. you were SUPER pumped to start which was awesome. it’s only the second week but you’re already doing amazing. last year, it took literally almost the entire school year for you to warm up even just a little. but now, you’re are the real Jude at school…from what i can tell (a little toned down, of course). it makes me so happy. a little sad, too, because you are getting to be so independent and grown up. and those are good things and i’m glad, i just can’t believe how fast your childhood is flying by.

we are sad to see summer go, but excited about fall and winter. we had a great summer full of fun adventures: camping, trips to the beach, gramma’s pool, picnics, and lots of family time. you and lucy both LOVE to camp and we’ve had so much fun doing that. we went to Storyland this summer too. we decided to surprise you and when we drove in you said “are we at Disney World?!” you had such a fun time and went on tons of rides. we also went to Canobie Lake amusement park with gramma and papa and aunt kate and d. you were a little grumpy that day, but still had lots of fun.

daddy got a new truck! the backseat is huge and you love it. the other night you came inside and said, “mom, we need to go on a family ride in the truck.”

we went to the fly-in a few weeks ago. it was a cool, beautiful day. meme came with us. we brought a picnic and watched the plans. it was relaxing.

something huge happened this summer: you asked jesus into your heart and became a Christian! it was so special and sweet. i was driving you and lucy to VBS at church one night when you started asking questions about what happens when you die and where your body goes. i explained, as i had several times before, that if you are a christian, when you die your spirit goes to heaven. you said, “am i a Christian?” so i explained that to become a Christian you have to believe in jesus and ask him to forgive your sins and come into your life. you said, “i believe in jesus.” so we prayed together and you asked jesus into your heart. it was so simple. in the past, you never wanted to do it, but this time you did and i fully believe that you understood. your faith is pure and real and i’m honored to see it. later that night daddy took us to dysarts for dessert to celebrate!

the next day we went to mt. hope to go for a walk. we’ve done that a lot this summer. sometimes we go see bampy’s grave and sometimes we don’t. on this particular day, i was in a rush to go see aunt kate’s new house so i was trying to hurry you into the car. but you insisted on picking flowers to leave for bampy. i followed your lead. you carefully picked the perfect little flower weeds and held them in your hand. when we got to bampy’s grave, you put the flowers on top and said, “bampy, i became a christian just like you!” i couldn’t believe how sweet and perfect this moment was…and it was all your idea.  i’m so lucky to have shared it with you. and i know bampy heard you, man.

i’m so proud of you, jude. we fight like crazy sometimes. we’re teaching you to be respectful, because you often forget to be. we butt heads. i cry. you cry. its rough, at times. but I LOVE YOU. you are kind, thoughtful, smart, responsible, independent and imaginative. you amaze me all the time, jude…i’m so happy that i’m your mom!

i love you times a million!!



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dear jude.

dear jude,

we are waiting for it to warm up around here. it’s been a cold spring. but you don’t care and you LOVE being outside.

you’ve gotten to be a pro at riding your bike. last summer it was kind of hard for you so you stuck to riding your big wheel. you love to dig in the dirt and race around the driveway and go for walks. you are so happy when you’re outside.

the other day lucy tried to throw a piece of trash on the ground. you lost it and started yelling, “LUCY! WE DO NOT THROW TRASH ON THE GROUND…THAT IS CALLED GLITTERING! GLITTERING IS NOT GOOD!”

oh jude, you are a rule follower to the max. although you can’t seem to follow the “don’t lay on top of your sister” rule or the “don’t scream in your sister’s face rule” or the “don’t talk back” rule. that’s part of being a kid and i have to remind myself of that sometimes.

you gave uncle nick some coaching advice the other day. you said, “keep trying! you’ll get better!” (that’s from Daniel Tiger which you freak out about watching but secretly like).

i signed you up for “Sports Camp” last week. It’s a group that meets on Saturday mornings for 6 weeks and the coach teaches you about different sports. well, you were SO PUMPED about Sports Camp. i bought you some athletic sneakers and we talked about it all week. daddy was out of town at a men’s conference so it was my job to bring you to the first session. it did NOT go well. you were paralyzed by nerves and refused to participate. we sat on the sidelines and i tried everything to get you involved but you wouldn’t budge. it was awful. you were angry, although i know deep down you were nervous and scared. i said, “come on, it’ll be fun and you can tell daddy and uncle nick all about it!” you cried and said, “i don’t want to tell daddy and uncle nick about it…i want to tell bampy about it and i can’t!” not sure how on earth you thought to say that. so, we left the field in a frenzy. i was fuming. you were crying. it was bad.

your personality is so interesting to me, jude. we butt heads sometimes and i think its because we are so much alike. you’re a control freak. you’re bossy. you’re nosey. you like to have conversations with people and get frustrated if you get interrupted or if people don’t listen. you are funny. SO funny. you’re into details and you have an insane memory. jude, you are so sweet and a great helper. you are COOL.

you’ve had a major obsession these days with all things manly. we’re actually started reprimanding you about it because you keep downing on girls and its gotten super annoying. i love the fact that you’re a guys guy and you feel a connection to other dudes. but we obviously want you to respect girls so we’ve started discussing that a bit because you take the whole gender thing a little too far.

your teachers have daddy and i recently that you’ve really started coming out of your shell. it may have taken all year, but the real jude is starting to come out a bit. i’m so glad we started you in school when we did because hopefully by the time you hit kindergarten you’ll be a little more comfortable in the school setting. mrs. babbit and mrs. wilson told us that your class was going to act out the book “caps for sale” and that you volunteered to be the peddler. your teachers were so excited (and shocked) so they decided to give it a shot. i guess a few days later when you were having a practice session you decided against the leading role. but the fact that you volunteered was a big step!

i love you so much, buddy. you intrigue me every day. i’m so glad that you’re my kid.



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